My Time at the Well

Quieted and Qualified

Wed, 01 May 2024 02:11:45 GMT

Quieted and Qualified

April 30, 2024

I have been to Crater Lake National Park twice. Nothing could have prepared me for what I would see as I crested the edge for the first time. In a sense it was as grand as the Grand Canyon to me because it was so deep and so blue. My mind could not comprehend that I was looking across an expanse stretching 27 square miles, a lake that was six miles across and 2,000 feet deep! My curiosities matched that of my young nephews as we began to wonder what mysteries were in its depths. It was seemingly unsearchable, too grand to know.

If this grand earthly display can produce such wonder, how great are the mysteries of our lives in Christ? Have you ever stopped to ponder the depths of the love of Jesus and what happens when that is deposited in your inner man? I have. It is an intimidating and humbling reality, one that makes the fear of the Lord a tangible weighty presence. When I consider what I've been given to steward I am energized to give Jesus everything He is worthy of. It makes me come alive in Christ, and I know it is He who is empowering me to minister His Gospel as He deserves. I can actually be confident that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

But what happens when life happens and we find ourselves no longer confident in this truth? Whether by comparison or self-criticism or disappointment or unforeseen failures we can begin to walk out our Christian life unintentionally detached from the qualifying, empowering love of Christ. I don't know about you, but for me this is a crippling and miserable place. I feel suddenly incapable of effectively ministering to anyone. If I stay disconnected from the truth of Christ-in-me long enough I might not even feel saved anymore! Without the confidence of Jesus' victory and Holy Spirit's help deeply anchored in my soul, I feel like a hypocrite, an imposter.

I've been a nurse practitioner for 10 years (and an ER trauma nurse for five years before that), so suffice it to say I have done and seen a lot. A lot . I remember the journey to get here - seven long intense years of school. The most intense were the final two years with full time work and full time school, frequently adding up to 80-90 hours per week. I did at least one 26-30 hour stretch every 10 days where I would do a clinical rotation from 7:00am to 5:00pm, change into my scrubs, and then go push through a 12-hr ER shift overnight. There were a few days where "tired" beat out "hungry", and my lunch break turned into precious nap time in my car. My brain was filled with so much information that at times it hurt.

Yet, despite all my training and experience, I can still feel inadequate sometimes. It is good to walk in a healthy respect for one's responsibility, be it personal, professional or spiritual, but the lie that says that you are an incapable wanna-be seeks to disqualify and dismantle. Every so often I will get hit with this brief feeling like I am no more capable than my five year old niece running around with her Doc McStuffins kit. Am I really qualified to rightly handle people with the authority and wisdom this requires? I sit down at my desk and systematically sift through the files in my brain to settle on the right diagnosis, select the right treatment, make the right call. Most days it isn't at the forefront of my mind that I've literally held life and death in my hands. It's a weight that I carry but don't always feel. But then there are moments where its weight is evident, and I know I can't afford to miss a single piece of the puzzle. In these moments I can be paralyzed in inadequacy or press into the confidence that I am firmly established in what I know. The lie of inadequacy is a robber - at the least, of joy, and at most, of the call.

This is not an accusation reserved for white coats and lengthy credentials. You may feel like an incapable wanna-be as a parent, a business owner, an artist or even a minister of the Gospel. Of all these things, this accusation's greatest assault is against the redeemed soul. Revelation 12:10 says that the accuser of the brethren accuses us before God night and day. If we were left to listen to the enemy's lies, we would soon forget everything that Jesus has accomplished on our behalf and that the accuser's taunts are powerless lies. His lies are powerless, if only we choose to silence them. They have no authority in their own merit but are given authority when we agree with them rather than stand on the truth of the Word.

Last night I was inundated with severe taunts of inadequacy and disqualification in the ministry that God has called me to. I thought to myself "What are you doing?", considering that the decision to launch ministry and dive into the deep end of the pool was reckless. I felt I would fail before I even began. I felt the joy of this journey suck out of my soul like a vacuum and despair quickly sought to fill its void. "I can't do this" began to well up inside of me.

A few minutes of that mess was a few minutes too long. I sat down to pray and all I could say was "Jesus, I'm not enough but You are enough". Over and over and over I declared that He is enough, that He is worthy. I was reminded that my strength truly is of no benefit. I am utterly incapable of ministering to or on behalf of a holy, perfect enthroned King and Lord apart from Him. He wasn't looking to qualify me; He has already done that by His blood. He met me to quiet me with His love and silence the lies of the enemy. If I look to my own fill-in-the-blank to assess whether I will be successful, capable or well-pleasing to the Lord I will end up somewhere between disappointed and paralyzed. I can do nothing apart from Him. It is fully in Him and by Him and through Him and for Him.

Paul declares in Ephesians 3:17-19 "I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Just as I stood on the crest of Crater Lake, I could survey the vastness of the love of Christ and wrongly believe it is just too much . No! According to Scripture we are given power to grasp it, to fathom the love of Christ and to know His love beyond what we think we can understand. Even more, He desires to fill us to the measure of all the fullness of God. This is of eternal value, deeper and wider than anything our eyes have ever seen. I know that that is His true desire for my inner man - that my soul would know it well - because His Word declares it. Paul even declared that he was called to preach the unsearchable mysteries of Christ (Ephesian 3:8). These depths are not off limits, beloved, and therefore we are not incapable of living the life worthy of the calling we have received. We have been given every spiritual blessing in Christ and equipped for every good work appointed to us. I am everything Jesus says I am because He is everything that He says He is.

The accuser won't stop accusing but I certainly don't have to listen. Lord, let me hold fast to what Your Word declares is true about me and what you have entrusted to me. Don't let me look upon You or the work You are producing within me and find it too mysterious. Let me know it and stand confidently on what You have accomplished, for it is You and You alone, and You are enough.

No More Mixture: Only Unity

Wed, 17 Apr 2024 16:04:06 GMT

No More Mixture: Only Unity

April 17, 2024

There are few places I enjoy in the continental United States like Oregon. Montana is at the top of my list but an encounter with a grizzly bear is not... Oregon is an outdoor playground with more trees than people and over 100 waterfalls statewide. I've been blessed to spend a great deal of time in Oregon over the past three years since my best friend and her husband moved there to pastor a church. I've tracked my hikes over the years, and I have surpassed 30 trails and lost count of the miles. My best friend laughs at me because I look like Rambo on the trail, complete with quick-draw bear spray and a rather large blade. She laughs, but she also knows "we're not going down like that", if you know what I mean.

Along these miles of trails I have seen many wonders that declare the glory of God. Mountains, streams, waterfalls, valleys, roaring seas, wildflowers and one of my favorite moments - walking into a pocket of crisp cool mountain air that smelled exactly like my Balsam fir Christmas candle. I'd never smelled something like that in nature; it was nearly unbelievable. Of all the wonders, I find the streams and waterfalls to be the best story tellers. The way they effortlessly weave and wind through the rocks is mesmerizing. One of my favorite trails is a quiet route that teases the hiker with the sound of water at the trailhead. You can smell the water, feel the dampness and hear its bubbling but it does not come into view until about 50 yards up the trail. Once you see it you feel as though you've been plopped onto a movie set. The ferns, the foliage, the rocks, the flow - it's too beautiful. The trail leads you parallel to the stream with unobstructed views of its twisting and turning. I've been in early spring when the snow melt causes the rocky bed to be covered in a rushing white flow, and I've been in summer when the trickle is an invitation to come closer.

This particular trail has multiple waterfalls as smaller streams push their way through the forest to find their way to the main flow. There is a source at the head of the stream that creates the outward flow, and secondary streams are invited in. Once they have met with the main stream they become one and cannot be separated. Though one was first they become equal in unity under the source of the flow. They do not compete, they converge. Do you know where I'm going here?

Israel and the nations, Jew and Gentile - one in Messiah.

I will address the leaven that needs to be emptied from the church regarding Israel, the "no more mixture" as the title suggests. But first, let me say that what we need is perfect mixture - one new man in Messiah. This culmination of two streams into one river, so to speak, is a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit afforded by the blood of Jesus Christ. It is the desire of His heart that we will truly be one new man, and He will have it. Paul admonishes the church at Ephesus, saying, "So then, remember that at one time you were Gentiles in the flesh - called "the uncircumcised" by those called "the circumcised," which is done in the flesh by human hands. At that time you were without Christ, excluded from the citizenship of Israel, and foreigners to the covenants of promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He is our peace, who made both groups one and tore down the dividing wall of hostility. In His flesh, He made of no effect the law consisting of commands, and expressed in regulations, so that He might create in Himself one new man from the two , resulting in peace. He did this so that He might reconcile both to God in one body through the cross by which He put the hostility to death. He came and proclaimed the good news of peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through Him we both have access in one spirit to the Father" (vs 2:11-18, emphasis added).

The fullness of what Jesus accomplished through the cross will be discovered and revered for eternity. One of its greatest fruits is the reconciliation of Jew and Gentile unto peace in perfect unity, a unity that begins on this side of eternity. The blood of the Lamb has already given us access that we may draw near to receive salvation from Messiah. But we must remember that our Jesus is first and forever Yeshua Hamashiach, the Anointed One, King of the Jews and eternal High Priest who would save and redeem His people Israel. Jesus was Jewish in birth and tradition, fulfilling to the letter every requirement of His Jewish faith. As He said Himself, Jesus did not abolish the Jewish law but rather satisfied its requirements forever. He was the Christ, that is, Messiah, but He was not a Christian. He was the Jew who sprung up from the root of Jesse among the tribe of Judah to reign upon the throne of David forever. Yet somehow the church largely finds itself like a cow at a new gate, dumbfounded at the emphasis on Israel as we await the return of the King of the Jews.

There may be many reasons for our overlooking Jesus's Jewishness, some of ignorance and others of intention. We must rid ourselves of all of them and fully embrace Him and His people. We must love Jesus for who He is, and He is a Jew. Emphasis on exclusively New Testament teaching and doctrines is like building a house without pouring a foundation - it has nowhere to stand, and it will fall. This dangerous practice has happened far too long, and is even sometimes encouraged in the western church. Some avoid the Old Testament because it is too difficult. The cultural differences, geography, people groups and way of life are far removed from the American dream. Yet to our brothers and sisters across the pond it is their history, their people, their current way of life. We can no longer forfeit the fullness of the Word out of ignorance, inconvenience or lack of understanding. Whether we are reading Leviticus or Matthew it is the Holy Spirit who brings understanding of the Word and revelation of the knowledge of Jesus to our hearts. To think we can even approach the Word apart from the Holy Spirit's help is foolishness. Let's get our heads out of the sand and ask Jesus to reveal Himself to us from Genesis 1 to Revelation 22, much like He opened the scriptures to them on the road to Emmaus. He is the Word made flesh.

The greater issue facing today's church is not ignorance of Messiah's Jewishness but rather the intentional effort to nullify Messiah's promise to Israel altogether. This delusional teaching of replacement theology, at its root, seeks to accomplish the plot declared in Psalm 83:1. The psalmist says, "See how your enemies are astir, how your foes rear their heads. With cunning they conspire against your people; they plot against those you cherish. "Come," they say, "let us destroy them as a nation, that the name of Israel be remembered no more." I say delusional because it is a demonically-inspired deception that suggests a greater thing, a more glorious church for Jesus. The glorious church Jesus desires is the one new man, period. Yet Jesus Himself declared that He was "not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel" (Matthew 15:24). The foundation of His house is built upon Himself, the Rock, unto the house of Israel. It is the God of Israel's house, and we have graciously been invited in. The church that Jesus is building will not come at the cost of Him forfeiting or forgetting His own people. It is His very faithfulness to His people Israel that secures my belief in His covenant unto me.

Paul, an observant Jew as he described himself in his letter to the Philippians, was appointed to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles. He says this in his letter to the Roman Gentiles: "I ask, then, have they (Israel) stumbled so as to fall? Absolutely not! On the contrary, by their transgression, salvation has come to the Gentiles to make Israel jealous. Now if their transgression brings riches for the world, and their failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more will their fullness bring! Now I am speaking to you Gentiles. Insofar as I am an apostle to the Gentiles, I magnify my ministry, if I might somehow make my own people jealous and save some of them. For if their rejection brings reconciliation to the world, what will their acceptance mean but life from the dead? Now if the first fruits are holy, so is the whole batch. And if the root is holy, so are the branches. Now if some of the branches were broken off, and you, though a wild olive branch, were grafted in among them and have come to share in the rich root of the cultivated olive tree, do not boast that you are better than those branches. But if you do boast - you do not sustain the root, but the root sustains you. Then you will say, "Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in." True enough; they were broken off because of unbelief, but you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but beware, because if God did not spare the natural branches, He will not spare you either. Therefore, consider God's kindness and severity: severity toward those who have fallen but God's kindness toward you - if you remain in His kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off. And even they, if they do not remain in unbelief, will be grafted in, because God has the power to graft them in again. For if you were cut off from your native wild olive tree and against nature were grafted into a cultivated olive tree, how much more will these - the natural branches - be grafted into their own olive tree?" (vs 11:11-24, clarification added).

Beloved, this cannot be any more clear. Do not boast that you are better than the branches. Do not be arrogant, but beware. How much more will these - the natural branches - be grafted into their own olive tree? Replacement theology does not heed this warning and chooses arrogance over God's kindness and power. Paul clearly states we Gentiles, the wild olive branch, are blessed to share in the rich root of the Jewish Messiah, and we ought not boast that we are better than the natural branches that, for a time, have been broken off. Just as the secondary branch cannot boast over the first, the secondary stream does not try to usurp the primary stream. It does not fight its way upstream to the source and carve a new path or dictate the flow. It is invited in and simply joins and adds to the fullness of the stream.

PS - Hold on to this for my next post: "Salvation has come to the Gentiles to make Israel jealous" (Romans 11:11)

No More Mixture: Bye Bye, Gray

Tue, 16 Apr 2024 18:17:45 GMT

No More Mixture: Bye Bye, Gray

April 16, 2024

This is part one of presumably several posts. I want to set the scene here: There is something stirring deep in my soul, something I intend to sift through and clearly define what the Word says pertaining this issue.

There is no boundary so abrupt in the land of the living as the end of dry ground and the beginning of the sea. As a coastal Floridian, I have spent nearly four decades seeing this distinct boundary line on a daily basis. The sugary white sand that blankets the shoreline is a frail transition at best. If you stand on the shores but face north, thousands of miles of land will be stretched out ahead of you. Turn 180 degrees and your view is quite different - an emerald ocean that ends on the shores of a different continent. I've felt this same sense of finite change while standing on the not-so-sugary shores of the Atlantic and even on the natural stone banks of Lake Superior in upper Michigan. I am so accustomed to living on the coast that it becomes a directional beacon. There is a certain familiarity, dare I say a comfort, in always being near the water and instinctually knowing which direction is home. I was unware of this subconscious comfort until I travel to Oklahoma in my early 20s and realized I had no sense of direction because I did not know where the ocean was.

This striking contrast of land and sea became even more apparent when I laid eyes on the great northern Pacific and sunk my feet in its nearly-frozen black sand. Unlike the sugary beaches at home, the land often comes to a screeching halt with cliffs towering hundreds of feet above the roaring waters below. I'd flown to the Pacific Northwest before but in summer 2022 I drove cross country from Florida to western Oregon. Somehow the thousands of miles in my rearview mirror came to a sudden end when I reached the Pacific Ocean. I could go no further. The land ended and the sea began.

Consider the contrast of land and sea as a picture of the definitive truths in our spiritual lives. Scripture is emphatically clear: There is light and darkness, holy and unholy, new and old, life and death. The reality of light and holiness and newness and resurrection life are not merely characteristics of God as something to be admired. These things declare that He is God and we are not, yet they are the very things that He has made available to us and calls us to walk in by the power of His blood and indwelling Spirit. In these stark contrasts there is no gray area. And even if there was a gray area, why would we want to reside there? We should love what God loves and detests what He detests. We must wage war and plead the blood of Christ where the gray would beckon us to remain. 1 John 1 plainly states this truth, saying "God is light, and there is absolutely no darkness in Him. If we say, "We have fellowship with Him," and yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth. If we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin" (vs 5-7). Proverbs 4:18-19 shows this contrast and how it should continually increase until we are fully before Jesus in His glorious light: "The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines even brighter and brighter until the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like total darkness. They have no idea what they are stumbling over".

Colossians 1 also talks about the separation of light and darkness. This is one of my favorite chapters of scripture because of the detailed truth it declares about Jesus. It speaks clearly about who He is and what He has accomplished on our behalf, that is, what we have entered into because of Him: "We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints' inheritance in the light. He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son He loves . In Him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins" (vs 9-13, emphasis added).

Isaiah gives caution to the confusion or mixture of these two distinctly different things, saying "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter" (5:20). Although I know there is nothing new under the sun, and these patterns of sin and delusion have continued since the beginning, I see an unprecedented multiplication of sin and darkness in our time. The darkness is becoming darker by the day and even being called good. How are we as believers supposed to respond in this hour?

Ok, the gloves are coming off. Let's get real here: We are not called to simply respond to darkness. We are called to live in the light . We live in a culture where the masses, including the church, have a platform for statements, opinions or comebacks. In a sense the church in many ways has become reactive rather than proactive, and we only let the fullness of our light shine from under a basket when it's absolutely necessary. We must remember that the lives that we live we now live in Christ. This is a matter of our very lives, not exclusively our Facebook posts or political affiliation. We are called to be separate, holy and sanctified. I don't want to be a shade of white - that is, washed white as snow by the blood of Jesus only to see how much black I can mix in drop by drop and remain white-ish. My dingy white might fool the world or even my church but am I living as a pure and spotless Bride before my Bridegroom, lest I forget He is also my Judge? To the naked eye one drop of black may not turn me gray, but my soul should know its leaning. If it is contrary to the Word, it will tarnish me. If it is sin, it will stain me. If it is darkness, it will dim the light within me. These things have no part in me.

Let me be clear: I am not questioning the precious blood of the Lamb. His blood is able to fully and forever remove the stain of sin and its claim on my eternity - but I must remain washed in that redeeming blood. Did the writer of Hebrews not say that if we go on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth that there is no other sacrifice for us (10:26)? Sadly, in recent years the church has too often made a mockery of God's grace as a license to sin (or at a minimum, push the envelope), often times in a public arena. This flirtation with sin shows that the church is less inclined to view God's grace as the blessed overflow of His goodness toward us, a kind patience that has offered us His salvation and freedom from sin.

At the end of days when the Bride of Christ will be received unto Him, Revelation 19:7-8 tell us: "Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to Him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and His bride has made herself ready. She was given clothing of fine linen, bright and pure. For the fine linen she wears is the righteous acts of the saints." Keep fleeing from evil, Bride of Christ, and do good according to Psalm 37:27.

I am grieved by the nearly daily reports of stains that are coming upon the Bride's gown. This is not the world flinging muck and mire at us from the pit. There is still a living hope that many in that pit can and will be delivered! These stains are from the Bride willingly drudging through the mud and wondering if her gown will stay white. There is a difference in walking through the troubles of this world in pursuit of Jesus and walking in this world with Jesus in our peripheral, all the while thinking we won't be in trouble. Beloved, if you put a pig in the mud, the mud doesn't get piggy.... Frankly speaking, what in the world are we doing?

We, largely the western church, have traded preaching for entertaining and the true power and works of the Holy Spirit for a God-bumps-on-goosebumps counterfeit. I am not against excellence or creativity, but when these things become idols and Jesus is a side-cart, we are in sinful error. We have detached our personal lives from our public platforms and think that what is resonating in our hearts, marriages and homes has no bearing on the fruit that we bear in the house of God. Last I checked God did not call us to assemble ourselves simply for a good time, yet church has somehow become the righteous alternative to the local watering hole. Gossip and slander are rampant, sexual sin and divorce is neck-and-neck with the world, and we've made light of our vices because of God's extravagant grace. I have wept and contended for the days of revival that I believe are coming to the church - that His Bride would truly be cleansed, made radiant for His return and found without compromise. It will be a revival of joy but make no mistake, there will first be a long night of weeping as we grieve what we have allowed and even cultivated in His house. I bless the church, I cry out for her repentance and ask for the gift of tears that we would be desperate for Jesus again.

So I ask us, church, myself included - when did we depart from being continually cleansed by the Blood and the Word and stewarding ourselves in the fear of the Lord? I refuse to be gray. I would no sooner call the land sea or the sea land. If I tried to drive a boat onto the shore I would surely destroy it or possibly myself, and likewise, my car would quickly sink into the sea if I foolishly considered it a highway. So why are we confused about what is dark and light? God help us and forgive us. Hear me: There is no one particular pastor, region or denomination on the chopping block - we have all fallen short of the glory of God. I am not slamming the church; I am broken for her. I am sick over the church, grieved over her carelessness and saddened by her misrepresentation of Christ. I am a part of this church - the Body of Messiah - and in as much must daily ask the Lord to search me and purify me that I may walk worthy of His call.

The last-days church will be unashamedly sanctified... Not above, not better than, but fully in love with her Bridegroom and walking fully in that love. The Holy Spirit sanctifies us - not our works. But oh, that we would long for His sanctification! The world is increasingly on a sure path to hell and we, beloved, have been given the great privilege and call to declare the hope and salvation of Jesus. We mustn't be hypocrites in this hour. Hypocrites are not equipped unto the harvest, and the harvest is ripe.

Wrong Turn, Right Way

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 17:41:27 GMT

Wrong Turn, Right Way

April 9, 2024

This morning I was meditating on Paul's words in his letter to Philemon. He writes from a Roman prison cell about the value of the Body's ability - no, priority - to refresh each other in Christ. Though enchained, Paul recognizes that a source of his joy is this: "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people" (1:7). He speaks of sending Onesimus, his spiritual son, to continue the work that Paul began while still hoping to return to them, too. Paul calls upon the Body to refresh him once again, saying " I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ" (1:20).

Refresh my heart in Christ. Have we come to truly know the depths of its benefit?

What a profound notion that we can be so filled with the likeness and character of Jesus that we ourselves become an extension of His refreshing. We know that we'll never replace our individual and corporate need to draw directly from the source, Jesus Himself. Jesus alone is Jesus, and no man can replace Him. But we are called to replicate Him in His likeness, in His selflessness, in His faithfulness and above all, in His love - particularly toward His body.

I thought back to summer camp 2022. I briefly mentioned camp in "Streams in the Desert", but I will give you a bit more context here. When I was fired from my company in February 2022 I suddenly had an empty calendar and a hunger to serve Jesus wherever He'd lead. He lead me to the densely forested mountains of western Oregon, to a mountainside camp speckled with cabins and no shortage of children and laughter to fill them. My post would be with the summer staff as their live-in mentor. I would eat with them, serve with them, clean with them from sun up to sun down. And then I'd go back to my room in the basement and live with them. I was coming to lead them and disciple them. But I quickly learned that what they needed most was to be refreshed in Christ - in essence, to be loved and valued right where they were, regardless of their shortcomings, from a heart committed to continually show them Jesus.

I wrote the following note less than one week after my arrival to camp. My staff and I were largely strangers: I was still the mentor expecting hard work and responsibility, and they were the group of ragamuffin teenagers with wrinkled t-shirts and endless jokes. All of that changed in one day.

"I set out on a solo adventure tonight. Well, not entirely solo… Jesus, Janet - the camp 4WD mule - and I had a date with the sunset. With plenty of daylight left I headed up the mile long trail toward the top of the mountain where, I had been told, you could see for miles. I had one instruction echoing in my brain, simply “stay left”. I was at genuine risk for getting lost. Well, my epic climb was short lived and uneventful when the road that traveled to the left quickly had me driving right back down to camp. I’d made one giant left-hand circle. It was mountain NASCAR. I realized I had missed something but rather than turn around I just kept going, intending to circle back through my original starting point and get better directions. It wasn’t long into my extended left-hand turn that I saw the real reason why I’d set out with Janet: A playground full of teenage girls - teenage girls who, mind you, planned to spend the evening watching reruns but simply hadn’t made it inside yet. When they saw me rounding the corner with Janet they leaped from their swings and ran to me, giggling like little girls, eager to fill up every square inch of the empty seats beside me. Janet was still in motion when they started piling in. So now, with six seats full and one in the cargo space in the back, we set out back up the mountain. We made it to what we thought was our destination, up a short trail to the field with three crosses, but a curious trail beyond the field beckoned us to come. We went up the grassy path that lead to a flat alcove out of sight, coming to an abrupt halt at a narrow dead-end with a steep hill on one side. Janet was less than cooperative as I struggled to turn the too-tight steering wheel and finally get us out of there via a fourteen point turn. Austin Powers, baby! Their giggles increased with every forward and back and groan as I pulled at the steering wheel with all of my might, meanwhile the caboose passenger was fully buried in the bushes every time Janet went in reverse. We came down the mystery path and back to camp, rolling in laughter larger than the hills around us, myself included. Back at camp they quickly said “You didn’t make it up the mountain. There’s no way, you wouldn’t be back yet”. So we squeezed in to make room for our navigator, Lou, who looked to be well into in his 70s but had the life and zeal of a man in his prime. I drove while Lou gave me directions in my left ear from the back seat, practically yelling to compete with the girls’ uncontrollable laughter. The giggles grew with each foot we climbed up the mountain until we made it to the far field and back down a hidden trail to camp. It was as we descended for the final time that I heard a voice exclaim from the backseat: “Ok, now you’re doubly the best staff mentor ever!” Of course it warmed my heart to hear it, but it was them that needed to know it. Not that I am the best, but simply that I am HERE. Somewhere along that bumpy ride it clicked for them. During our adventure full of giggles, bumps, bushes and memories, the lightbulb turned on for those girls that I am here to LOVE ON THEM. My solo sunset ride was for the sake of the anything-but-solo journey. They learned they’re worth loving, and I learned that the wrong turn was the right way all along."

We will be fully loving well when we realize our capacity and our call to refresh others through our likeness in Christ. Our mission is people, not principles. Even in Jesus, we delight in the beauty of holiness not because of His policy but because of the person He is, the person whose presence changes us. He does not waiver in His holiness, and His leadership is perfect. But His love, His humility and His kindness are what flow to the depths of the human frame and cultivate our relationship with Him. What we have received from the Head of the Body is what we desperately need amongst the Body. I never slacked on my standards. The summer was full of re-dos, hard conversations and that one unfortunate day when they had to mop the dining hall three times. Day by day, I counseled, discipled, prayed and lead Bible studies. I could have merely told them of Christ, but God filled me with His Spirit that I may show them Christ. Of everything I could have given them it was the lovingkindness of Christ in me that refreshed, encouraged and brought joy. O Lord, that we may be wellsprings that refresh others in You.

Streams in the Desert

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 02:34:37 GMT

Streams in the Desert

April 8, 2024

Two summers ago, my life took a hard right turn. I was released from my company without notice because of my firm convictions in the Lord. Though getting fired felt icky and unjust, I quickly learned that God's wisdom and favor had already made a way. The rug that was pulled out from underneath me quickly proved to be His way of rolling out the red carpet. A distant desire collided with a detailed dream from the Lord, and suddenly I was freed to pursue Jesus into an area I never considered was possible.

So what's a girl to do when she gets fired, besides waiting tables for a few months to keep the lights on? Naturally, she is to pack up her SUV and drive across country to go live in a basement with teenagers at this wild place called summer camp. Sound crazy? Sounds like Jesus to me.

The treasure along the way was picking up my best friend in Texas and riding into the sunset. Literally. We chased the fading sun and kept going long into the darkness of night. The morning light revealed where we had landed: The desert. This was intentional, as we planned to visit the Grand Canyon and Zion National Park, but the barren red landscape was a stark contrast to the urban jungle of Dallas and the vast plains of west Texas just a day before. The scattered green of foliage lessened with each mile. We explored the Grand Canyon briefly, stopped for a tune-up somewhere in Arizona (because my car did not like the desert heat), and pressed forward to Zion. We came through the eastern gate at golden hour, both instantly feeling as though we'd gone through a portal to another world. Shameless plug here: Go to Zion National Park. Just go.

The sneak peak we'd had on that first night was so enthralling. So much so that we decided to get up early and spend a few more hours in Zion's beauty before we had to keep going west. As we hiked along the valley floor we came to the little creek in the picture above. You can see one of Zion's iconic towering red cliffs in the distance. We stood there in the quiet with the barely-bubbling water whispering to us. Suddenly, scripture came alive! My best friend said, "This is Psalm 23". I looked and found myself standing beside still waters. Considering the harshness of the desert around us this wellspring was more than a photo opportunity, a nice place for a dip or a cool drink of water. It was a life source. I knew it then and I would realize it even more so later that day. Within hours we found ourselves nearly stranded in Beatty, Nevada. The only life source for nearly 100 miles was a truck stop aptly named The Oasis. The Oasis, complete with wild free-ranging donkeys hanging out at the pumps. True story. A drive across Nevada is not for the faint of heart!

King David knew the desert. He penned Psalm 63 while on the run in the desert of Judah, fleeing from a murderous Absalom. David declares "O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You. My soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." I'd like to think David knew a thing or two about dry and weary places and seasons. Betrayal, war, caves and the like, remember? He was earnestly seeking because his soul had known true thirst and his body true longing. Unlike David, I was crossing the desert leisurely, yet I was keenly aware of the necessity of water. Having left Florida, only miles from the emerald green Gulf where you can basically drink the air, I had never experienced dry like Nevada dry. I was headed for Oregon, a playground of countless waterfalls and a northwestern rainforest, so I wouldn't be dry for long. But as I journeyed into a dry and barren land my body craved the water, inside and out. Deeper still, my soul recognized the barrenness around me as the all-to-familiar internal landscape of former seasons. My soul had known this thirst.

David went on to say "I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You." What did David find at the end of his longing? What had come to satisfy his thirst? I think the key was that the refreshing he needed was not simply a reprieve from his harsh circumstances. Could God have plucked him from that desert and put him right back in the palace? Absolutely. Even the world will offer its best to sustain and satisfy, much like The Oasis with the donkeys. It was a temporary reprieve but it could never satisfy an eternal need. David knew that his only life source was the presence of the Lord. It was seeing the One in whom there is only life - life forevermore. It was coming before the only One worthy to receive all power and all glory, to be beheld in His sanctuary. It was the deep drink of God's love, which David declares is better than life, that brought praise to David's parched lips.

Psalm 63 echoes what David also declared in Psalm 23. He knew his soul needed the water. Despite being surrounded by his enemies and walking through a valley of dark shadows, David saw the table prepared in the presence of the Lord. Circumstances did not dilute the refreshing of presence . He chose to sit there, drink deeply and allow his soul to be restored. Whatever David was facing or whatever he presumed he lacked was fully eclipsed by what he'd found in the presence of the Lord. He had found the source.

Only a few short months after my cross-country trek, on the heels of an amazing summer at camp, my soul found itself thirsty again. More accurately, I felt like I was dying. I didn't cry out for beauty for ashes or joy for mourning. I simply asked that God wouldn't let me die there, spiritually speaking. I'd taken a new job which I would later learn was a pivotal stepping stone to my current season - the season in which I launched this ministry. I knew I was in the will of the Lord. I knew it wholeheartedly. But He'd led me straight into the desert - not to tempt me, but to show me the faithfulness of His life source. I clung to Psalm 63, but my loneliness and isolation gave way to bitterness (and thankfully, unto repentance). There, my soul needed the assurance that I had seen the Lord, and I was ruined for anything less. It felt like I fought for every drink, for every moment of rejoicing. It was not a wrestle for the lack of His provision, because His wellspring continually flowed toward me. It was a battle because I had to trust that He was enough.

As quickly as the desert came, it went. I had come to the threshing floor of CHRIST ALONE, and glory be to God, I was sifted. For nearly a year and a half I saw myself fading into merely a shell of who I truly was in Christ. I needed refreshed, and only He could remind me who I was. And just like that, before I could even realize it, He restored my soul. I've come to love His Wells of Refreshing, and it took me truly thirsting to know my dependence on the only source that would truly satisfy. I can come to Him, knowing He doesn't mock my humanity or capitalize on my weakness. I am not ridiculed for my thirst. I am blessed . His wells simply flow and restore. They clean and heal. They wash and baptize. They nourish and sustain. They refresh in every way.

The more I thirst, the more I sojourn with Him, the more I realize I have no life apart from His wellspring. I will never graduate from my need for Him. I need Him. I need Jesus daily, in every season, in every way. My soul faints apart from Him. I need the One who brings forth springs from the desert, water from the Rock, eternal wellsprings, the true drink, the Restorer of my soul. Lord, let me stay here. Don't let me wander from Your Wells.